I may be a day late and a dollar short (or three) for “April Fool’s Day” but I’m pretty much late for everything. What can I say? I fear change…so don’t throw quarters at me (hardee har har!). Today I have a silly project to share with you. The way this project came to be is even sillier. So silly it includes chicken jokes of the “Why did the chicken Cross the road? ” variety. If you like to laugh read on…if not grab a coke and a smile and come back later (<—feel free to grab this one).
“Why did the
Chicken Craft Blogger cross the road?
To get to the Chickens on the other side!
What you don’t stop for rusty chickens on the side of the road? You haven’t lived! I wish I could say the chickens were the strangest items I have pilfered from the roadside but these are rather tame compared to some of the other things I’ve lugged home. I’ll tell you about the rusty vintage lawnmower and the toilet I turned into an ash tray some other time. Just to be clear the lawnmower had Indian head wheel caps (Jealous?) and the toilet I painted like a pack of cigarettes for a ripper I threw in college…complete with a sign that read “Put your butts here!”
Luckily my husband was NOT with me the day I happened across these “Hot Chicks”. He still hasn’t gotten over the time I screamed “PALLETTE!” on one of our Sunday drives and demanded he turn the car around at once to fetch it. Needless to say, he did not honor my request. Instead he angrily replied, “What the hell is wrong with you?!? I thought I hit something! And NO I am not putting that THING in my car!”
My son was with me when I spied the chickens and his reaction when I exclaimed, ” Oh my Gosh there are Metal Chickens over there!!” Was, “Pick em’ up!” He said this in such a way that he may as well have been Jim Carey, and I may as well have driven the Mutt Cuts Van (Are you picking up the “Dumb and Dumber” reference that I’m dropping?).
*FYI my son is 7 and has never seen Dumb and Dumber nor does he have any idea who Jim Carey is. If your name isn’t Mario, Luigi or Hero Steve you are not on his radar.
In other news I was so excited about finding the metal chickens I completely forgot to take them out of the front seat of hubby’s car. He got to ride with them to work the next day and was not amused. To make it up to him I placed the stone chicken on our front porch and bought a door mat that said “Close the door before the Chickens get in!” (You know to scare away robbers…no one is crazy enough to rob a house that has stone chickens on the porch). Sadly, the rug blew away during Hurricane Sandy but “Stonewall Chicken” is still standing strong. That chicken won’t be crossing the road anytime soon!
How to Paint a Metal Chicken
The first thing I did was rub my chickens down with a bar of soap. I don’t know if this did anything to help or hinder my paint job but it sure made them smell nice!
Next find a picture of a good rooster/chicken. A quick search on Pinterest and I found this handsome fellow. Don’t search for “Chicken” or you will find pages and pages of un-feathered friends floating in Marsala sauce…rooster is the way to go!
Once you have found a suitable “Model” for your chicken makeover give a hearty Cock-a-doodle-do and get painting! I’m still on the Distress Paint kick…so that’s what I used. Painting with Distress Paint is so easy a
Monkey Chicken could do it!
Go ahead exercise your inner Picasso and Dab it on…
Swipe it on…
And Blend it out!
You see how easy that was? Look at that we’ve made-over some rusty roadside chickens in less time than it takes to order a bucket of fried chicken wings. (*The author has no idea how long it takes to order a bucket of wings because she does not eat anything off of a bone or that comes out of the ocean. Useless fact #1936)
I think we’ve also answered the age-old question “Why did the chicken cross the road?” The answer is C) To get a makeover from the crazy craft blogger lady on the other side (The answer is always C…just so you know. C is for cookie…that’s good enough for me~)
This post is stupid. I realize that, yet I won’t apologize for it. I needed a laugh and I hope you got one too. At least now you know what to do if you see any metal chickens on the side of the road…Say it with me now…”Pick em’ up!”
Have a ridiculous day!
PS It took me DAYS to write this…now THAT is ridiculous
PPS I may have watched several bad 80’s movies while writing this post which consequently slowed me down. I blame the 80’s…for everything.